NBTD

She was my once in a lifetime
happy ending come true
I guess I should have told her
I thought she knew…

She said I took her for granted
that’s the last thing I would do
I’ll never understand it
’cause I thought she knew…

I thought she knew my world revolved around her
My love light burned for her alone
But she couldn’t see the flame
Only myself to blame
I should’ve known
I should’ve known..

A heart full of words left unspoken
Now that we’re through
I’d sell my soul to have this silence broken

I thought she knew my world revolved around her
My love light burned for her alone
But she couldn’t see the flame
Only myself to blame
I should’ve known
I should’ve known..

She was my once in a lifetime
happy ending come true
I guess I should of told her
but i thought she knew
I thought she knew
I thought she knew…

p/s - pointless entry this time

lol i juz like posting entries like the previous one.makes ppl wonder wuts going on hahaha.sorry for not commenting anything about it, so i’l make it clear in this entry.

that was a gtalk chat log between me n sum1 a few days back.its exactly as wut u guys read it (i had 2 delete sum parts wic might reveal her identity :P). seems desperate? lol i think so too. but what the heck, she’s my gf now ahaha~

the next day (of that chat) both of us discussed about it, and decided to go for it.well, there were several "terms and conditions" that were agreed upon, one of wic is we both were 2 care for each other, but cant control wut the other is doing. in other words, i can still date other gurls and hav fun anyway i like, and the same goes for her.

i know some might think that this is nonsense. actually..me too.. the idea of having a gf, but not having any emotional feeling for her is selfish, sick, or wutever u guys might call it.

in fact i already told her that my heart is wif sum1 else, and she openly accepts that. i DO care for her, but still only as a friend. and its the same wif her. i dont know when i will develop some feelings for her, or whether i will hav those feelings or not.

hopes? i dont want 2 put any in this rltnship. coz i dont want it to get complicated, as i already hav with another "open relationship".

fyi i wont be revealing who she is, or giving any hints we’l juz wait for the right time. if both of us get along well in this couple of months (and if i get to forget the one my heart is stuck wif), we’ll announce it. but it’ll be against the odds, sort of 30-70..

lastly,i hope u’re alright wif me writing this dear (referring to gf) this is wut i really feel. and to the other person…wut i wanna tell u is quite personal to be written here, so do pm me.

her: 
fahmi!!!

me: 
ye!
sowi i gi bli mknn td~

her: 
erk
sowi..i gi mknt dik
:p

me: 
;p

her: 
haha
how are u?
hehee

me: 
im missing u
hihi

her: 
missine me?
eh..salah eja
hahaha
tibe2 leh miss me ka

me: 
mmg..
lame dh..

her: 
erm
lame..
tk penah ckp pun
eh jakas
ko cmne skrg?
single ke? dah de buah ati?

me: 
ko la buah ati aku
hihi

her: 
ceh
aku nak ngurat ko nie
hahaha
tknak..sudah

me: 
ala
ye la
aku tgh layan la ni

her: 
haha
tol2 la
nie tol2 nak ngurat
tol2 punye
jom kapel
haha
tgk..diam…ye2 la tu..layan aku..tah bape byk window ngan awek ko tgh bukak tu

me: 
erk
sowi dear i gi mkn td
ko
seyes ke?
sat
aku kne pk dlu
tp ko kne trime ar aku suke lyn ponpuan
agaga

her: 
erm…ala..tkmo la..dulu kan ko ckp….tk mungkin ko suke aku
ingt tak?
haha

me: 
aku xkn suke
but
bole je nk kapel
kakaka

her: 
takkan suke?
tpi nak kapel?
hahaha
wat pe?
tpi..kalo org tnye..ko de awek ke tak..ko claim ko single agik
tk bes la..nanti..im nothing la..tkde any significant langsung dlm life ko
tk besh
haha

me: 
lol
aku
tgh men game
nk ckp psl bende ni
nnt sat k

her: 
men gem..ceh..cmtu abaikan je
:p

me: 
ko kene paam la
nnt jd awek aku
mmg aku x lyn sgt kalu tgh men game lo
;p

her: 
haha….dun weri…….
gi2..men gem
syuh3
haha
:p

me: 
umm
aku paste chat kite kat blog bleh? ;p

her: 
erk
oih
jgn
haha
leh
tpi hide my name…
haha

her: 
laju nya kamu
hahaha
still men gem ke?

me: 
yerp hehe
saba ye yang

her: 
yeah..sori to disturb…tot…u were blogging..suddenly ur blog adress kuar…sori yeah..papai`

me: 
erk

her: 
erm
ade2

me: 
ok
now
i need 2 know ur status
rly
ko nan him ape cite?

her: 
erm…
takde….
we are frens
anyway
just forget d idea la…
i dun think it can
i myself can never be with u….even if i did love u….

me: 
that’s true
n as i told u my heart’s wif sum1 else
even if u were 2 bcome my gf pon

her: 
n i noe

me: 
i dun think i’l hav any deep feelings 4 u

her: 
skrg pun…i dun actually love u…
it just
i like u…
i dunno
some crazy idea slip thru my mind
haha

me: 
hahaha
know wut
i oso pnah ask d same q
i mean
i pnah ask sum1 2 bcome my gf
walopon
its d same like tis la
hahaha
nk tau x sape?

her: 
sape?

me: 
teka2
;p

her: 
xxx?
yyy?

me: 
haha pndi ko
xxx 2 of coz la bukan

her: 
yyy?
haha

me: 
apsal tah aritu aku tny yyy
kakakaka

her: 
haha
:p

me: 
n her answer was
if i rly luved hre, she’l gladly accept
but malangnye i dun
kakaka

her: 
i think the same situation is happening to me..haha…
haha
no la
one thing that always in my mind …
——————————– (removed ;p)
so…there’s no way in dis world..ill be ur gf…

me: 
tahu xpe
lgpon
u dun know me
im not good as i may seem
byk setan nih
kakaka

her: 
im not sure…him gud fren ko or not…but…when i was his gf…he trust my frenship with u…as he trust me
haha
ko ingt
ko sorg je setan
haha

me: 
setan aku lg byk daa
lol

her: 
ye la kot
sbbb u r more evil then me
anyway
did u paste our chat dlm ur blog

me: 
x yet
nnt i paste

her: 
jgn..aku tktau la..y..but i cant never think to hurt his feeling more
erm
can u change ur mind…of doing that

me: 
oo
ok
i wont paste it
ala

her: 
tengs jakas
nape?

me: 
kate suh buang name

her: 
apesal nak paste

me: 
bole je aku buang name

her: 
erm

me: 
saje

her: 
nak buang..buang la
suka ati la

me: 
aku paste semua from top 2 btm
ok?
hahahaha

her: 
erk
bengong
dush2

me: 
smpi skg nih
lol

her: 
tkmo!!!
haha

me: 
erk
ahahaha

her: 
anyway we’re meant to be frens only..
kui3
:p

me: 
gud2
pasted!

her: 
haih…sori ya…for thinking like dat
haha
mengom!!!
dah2…im going home
bye

me: 
bye~
esok cek la blog i k

(abeda :P)

Ok, now who believes in karma? Well, i do (i think :P). Sometimes i put my friends first especially when they’ve problems or in need of help, and i believe by accomplishing that ppl will do good things to me to in the future.

But the ugly side is i also do bad things to other people..

I admit that i’m quite selfish, i want things to be in my favor without considering what other people might feel about it. And i think the person which i hurt the most by being selfish is my ex.. honestly sumtimes i do still think about her. wondering if she’s doing fine with her life..wondering if she already moved on..

What i did to her might be done to me too..and when that happens (if it does), i’l be ready for it..i guess.

When i was still wif my ex, there was a time when i cared for sum1 else..but that person made the decision to back off coz she dont want the same thing to be done to her by her bf. But juz now, i had a chat wif her in ym, n she told me she’s still hurt whenever she sees me with another gurl. I was speechless then..and i responded to her by telling her that she was the one who ran away, i accepted that fact, and soon i got rid of my feelings to her. There was a moment of silence after that, but we changed the topic and continued to chat as usual.

To me, i still care about her, as a friend. I cant care for her as much as i did before, as i’ve other things to care about.

Amongst the many kinds of people in the world, the ones i hate the most are liars. They tell false statements with intentions to deceive people for their own interests, such as protecting a secret or reputation, or to avoid punishment, or even just to make fun of people. There are also some who say they lie for the greater good (e.g. to prevent someone from getting hurt, to maintain peace and harmony in a community, etc) but i say that’s just BS.

I cant exactly point out why i hate them, but the important fact is that i do. And may liars burn in hell along with murderers, thieves, rapists, and drug junkies.

This is a really short post

Ever wondered why luv hurts?

I often think about it, but i’ve yet 2 find d answer. I’ve been hurt several times..n i’ve also done d hurting. And right now, i’m consumed and hurt by my own feelings, which i dun know why the heck do i hav them.

Yea sure, u can act tough or try 2 be strong, but reality is its really hard 2 forget sum1 who u luv so much. The pain takes time to heal. And later when if it heals, it’l leave a scar in ur heart. And its not impossible for the wound to open again.

To wait for the wound to heal and move on, or to wait for the time when i can be wif dat sum1 again? Its not a simple choice for me. Some might agree that moving on is best, but wif the way i am now its really hard. So i decided on the latter.

I alwez wonder, during the time i’m waiting, wud she find sum1 else? Its possible. And this thought really makes me uneasy…

But nevertheless, i’m trying my best 2 believe in her.

Dear luv,
I’ve said tis once, n i’m going 2 say it again.
My heart’s still wif u…keep it sumwhere safe first, n when d time is right, i’l need u 2 care 4 it. Please dont break it..
I’l wait for u.

New life?
Of course. No more studying and hostel life. Will start a working life from now on, and a new place 2 live. I’l be busy (hopefully, so i can forget about a few things),but d gud thing is i’l have my own income (and i’l hav 2 learn 2 manage it!).

New car?
Most probably not. I want 2, but realistically thinking i cant afford it yet. Not until i’ve a stable income.

New home?
As mentioned earlier, the chances are high. If Petronas were to hire me, i’d be sent sumwhere away from home (coz afaik they dun hav any OPUs in JB).

New gadgets?
Hell yeah! Tis old k500i phone is giving up on me. Plan 2 get a PDA phone >_< And not 2 forget, a PSP too!

New hobby?
Err….I doubt it. Prolly will resume my old hobby (MTG) but if i hav the money and time.

New friends?
Looking forward 2 it but it doesnt mean i’l forget u guys.  I believe that friends are the only "things" (sowi, cant think of another word) that last forever. (wina, soti waty, uena, gomok, and everybody else…i rly miz u all).

New love?
Not sure myself. Luv isnt predictable. Lets juz wait n c wut happens (although i’ve already given my heart 2 sum1).

Anything else?
Hurm…new lappy?

Sorry as tis is a brief one. its already 4am and i’m kinda drowsy. Happy new year everyone (although there’s only 11 months left in tis one :P). May u all be successful and prosperous, and remember to alwez think +ve.

Hallo~ I havent been able 2 update my blog lately coz i was in kl for the last 2 weeks. Went there initially 2 send my lil sis to her hostel coz her sem is already starting, n then i spent a week wif my frens coz was bored doing nothing in jb. Then i’ve 2 change my plan and extended my visit for another week coz i need 2 report for duty to Petronas & undergo my interview. I was ready to go back to jb last saturday (19th Jan) but then my bro asked me 4 a favor, which i had 2 stay in kl again for a couple of days. Now this is the fun part. He asked me to drive his new car back to jb, and its a beemer!

It was a hell of a wait when the car was sent for jpj & puspakom inspection, but after that i had the most pleasurable driving experience in my life! it was an e39 (2001) 530i. Obviously the 5 shows that its a 5-series, and the 30 at the back means that its a 3.0L. First time driving a 3 liter engine, and omg the torque was AWESOME! the car was a UK M-Sport Edition model, so it has some extras of what other 5-series here in Malaysia dont have. First, the engine itself. Its hard to find other e39 530 in M’sia, and most we can see on the streets are 523 and 525. Next is the sunroof (my bro said only import models have these). And then we have the factory lowered suspension, and also the sports seat (it has an extra feature compared to normal seats wic is hard for me to explain).

After driving it last nite, i cancelled my plan to buy an EK or an s15. I know what i want in the next 3 to 5 years, a beemer! It has electronic-adjusted seats, steering, and side mirrors (with memory)! Also, really² cool headunit! I say this becoz as i travel from kl to jb, i dun have to change the radio frequency to keep listening to a particular station..it changes itself!! Otherwise i had to change the frequency 2
times. Then we have the comfort..driving the car even at 140kmh wif the windows shut was damn silent, and feels safe! Finally, and most importantly, is BMW’s signature eagle eyes! Eventhough other cars have aftermarket eagle eyes, but they dont look as good as the beemers’.

Okay wina, we’ll c who will drive a 3-series first I’m aiming for a 325i e46, so lets work hard and get our dream cars!

p/s-initially i’ve sumthing else 2 write abt (my prospects and plans for this new year), but i’m still excited over last nite’s drive, so i’ll write and post them up next time.hehe

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
‘Cause I saw the end before we’d begun,
Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So I took what’s mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over but it won’t stop there,
I am here for you if you’d only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I’ve kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I’ve been addicted to you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer but when I wake,
You can’t break my spirit - it’s my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me,
Remember us and all we used to be
I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile.
I’ve watched you sleeping for a while.
I’d be the father of your child.
I’d spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine,
And I love you, I swear that’s true.
I cannot live without you.

Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I’m asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I’m kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.
I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow.
I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow.

guys, i dont think i hav the time to recall each and every month of 2007, so i’m juz gonna put em all in one post. besides, i’m going out 4 a while after this, and will be back next year

ok, lets remember one by one…hurm, when i got back to utp, there was a mess in hostel registration. i got separated from my ex-housemates, but luckily my roomie was buse.kalu dpt rumet x knal, sure tatau ape jadik.LOL.buse at that time was bz talking bout his vtec which is still under way, tp x siap2.mid of 2007 baru siap -_-" then in the next sem, i got back together wif my ex-housemates again.yey~

2007 was a year when met back wif my friends who i miss very2 much since internship: watai, wina n zahey.

i also made a lot of new friends in 2007: uena, mira, yani, ina, hayfa, naj, shin, sapik(neo), fariz, ammar, kira(i actly knew his name since my jr years, but only got to know him lately), dro(PH), acap(spoc), sham(spoc), hakim(spoc) n ramai lagi.for those who i forget to mention, sori ek >_<

a few unexpected things happen in 2007..one of which is when my car broke down (as mentioned in post entitled "CAK~!~!")…i broke up wif my gf…i got my emotions involved wif sum other gurls…and a couple of others wic i dun want 2 write here.

i also changed a lot in 2007, especially during the second half of the year.n i dunno how to explain tis..huhu…

ok, i’m taking off in a moment.so to all of u guys reading tis, have a happy 2008~ chow~

p/s-dear friends, i rly² luv u all very much.thanks for all the memories, and i hope we wont loose contact.i miss u all~!